My life right now is in utter chaos & confusion. Im overcome with emotions i cannot handle. My faith right now is at its highest but my relationship with God is at its weakest. Im trying to balance what the world's trying to throw at me all by myself when the God who created the heavens & the Earth is beside me every single moment of my life.
Ive lost all track of the meaning of the resurrection by all circumstances & lost sight of whats important. MY one on one with God. MY relationship with God. My Love for God. I have so much hate in my heart which ive been holding on to for a long time. I need to let go of it & surrender it all to my heavenly Father.
I need to empty my brain. Completely rid my head & heart with all the junk that its containing. There are many things i need to let go of & cleanse out of my heart. What i need is me to be at peace with God & surrender my all to him. Thats what i need. A System Reboot.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The War of Ambition: Operation Humanity
you cant trust anybody. everyone u meet will always backstab u & turn your back on you. i dont care how close u can get with a person, EVERY SINGLE person is wired in their heart to the core to backstab everyone they come into mere contact with. They may do it directly or indirectly, but they will do it.
how heartless can someone be to completely ignore a man they call brother when you know for a fact they are not themselves. if u kno that, u will move yer selfish needs to go & check up on yer "brother".
I vow to myself that i will humble myself & make it my life goal to always put myself below others to serve them with love as Christ loved. & i wont be a hypocritical bastard & preach about "loving & serving" when i dont do it myself. no. no i make it my Life Goal to make sure i demote myself to the servitude of humanity under Christ, with Christ, like Christ did. this isnt no fun & games. this is real life that God gave us & im going to take this very seriously. My life duty will be to truly love others & be there for them as a real brother, be a good friend, & most of all never turn my back on my brother or sister.
how heartless can someone be to completely ignore a man they call brother when you know for a fact they are not themselves. if u kno that, u will move yer selfish needs to go & check up on yer "brother".
I vow to myself that i will humble myself & make it my life goal to always put myself below others to serve them with love as Christ loved. & i wont be a hypocritical bastard & preach about "loving & serving" when i dont do it myself. no. no i make it my Life Goal to make sure i demote myself to the servitude of humanity under Christ, with Christ, like Christ did. this isnt no fun & games. this is real life that God gave us & im going to take this very seriously. My life duty will be to truly love others & be there for them as a real brother, be a good friend, & most of all never turn my back on my brother or sister.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The War of Ambition: The Pursuit of Happiness.
Its been in a long time since ive written a blog & its because i truly didnt feel like it. & during the duration of me not writing, ive retained a lot of knowledge & understanding of God. But the reason i wanted to write in my blog today was not because sad, angry about something, nor stressed, but because i got a feeling of genuine peace & happiness for a mere 2 seconds that i havent felt in ages.
Weather for me effects my mood in a lot of ways. For instance, sunny open skies make me stressed. Heavy rain days depressed. Sprinkling clouds piss me off. but a cold, windy days with no blue sky not raining makes me happy. & today as i was going home i looked into the PV hills as i saw the clouds go gliding over them & thats when i sensed God's great beauty & creations he has created for our enjoyment that we neglect every single day. In this moment i was able to pick out all the great things i was blessed with throughout the days & weeks that went by. At the site of God's majesty was when i experience true happiness & thankfulness.
I felt this was something i had to blog about because all of us long for happiness in different forms but i believe joy in its truest & fullest comes from God & God alone.
The Glee version of One of Us makes me really happy too.
Weather for me effects my mood in a lot of ways. For instance, sunny open skies make me stressed. Heavy rain days depressed. Sprinkling clouds piss me off. but a cold, windy days with no blue sky not raining makes me happy. & today as i was going home i looked into the PV hills as i saw the clouds go gliding over them & thats when i sensed God's great beauty & creations he has created for our enjoyment that we neglect every single day. In this moment i was able to pick out all the great things i was blessed with throughout the days & weeks that went by. At the site of God's majesty was when i experience true happiness & thankfulness.
I felt this was something i had to blog about because all of us long for happiness in different forms but i believe joy in its truest & fullest comes from God & God alone.
The Glee version of One of Us makes me really happy too.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The Social Network
i really dont have a long review for this movie so here it goes. The movie is almost perfect. It was going solid until it hit the end, leaving you with a dry end & more questions.
the acting was extremely well done, both for the main character & all the others including Justin Timberlake which i thought he did a really good job. The main character, Mark something, his character is borderline douchebag/ahole, but curiously i really liked his character & the audience seemed to like him as well.
To me, the ending of the movie is extremely vital, far more important than the beginning for that matter. Its like having Jesus in the Passion of the Christ not resurrect at the end. For the size of the Social Network's story, the movie should have been 30mins to 1 hour longer. the movie itself was at least straight up 2hrs. In the end, i wanted more from the story, had a bazillion questions flying through my head, & killed my Social Network Movie experience.
Overall i give it a 6.8/10. If the movie was a bit longer to store more storyline, the rating could be much more higher.
+ Movie on Facebook
+ Not bad, kid from Zombieland
- Sucky Ending
- Should have been bit longer.
btw the trailer is realllllly goood.
the acting was extremely well done, both for the main character & all the others including Justin Timberlake which i thought he did a really good job. The main character, Mark something, his character is borderline douchebag/ahole, but curiously i really liked his character & the audience seemed to like him as well.
To me, the ending of the movie is extremely vital, far more important than the beginning for that matter. Its like having Jesus in the Passion of the Christ not resurrect at the end. For the size of the Social Network's story, the movie should have been 30mins to 1 hour longer. the movie itself was at least straight up 2hrs. In the end, i wanted more from the story, had a bazillion questions flying through my head, & killed my Social Network Movie experience.
Overall i give it a 6.8/10. If the movie was a bit longer to store more storyline, the rating could be much more higher.
+ Movie on Facebook
+ Not bad, kid from Zombieland
- Sucky Ending
- Should have been bit longer.
btw the trailer is realllllly goood.
Friday, October 1, 2010
The War of Ambition: The Fall from Depression
When my grandpa passed away on the Christmas of 2008, i fell into a deep depression for a long time where i lay dormant within my own thoughts alone. After that period, this wave of depression comes back to me every few months to haunt me again. During this time, all the stress of my past comes, also inviting the ones i have in my present life right now to come along as well. Around this time, my motto changes from Living to Eat, to Eating to Live, school sucks again, the light in my life is covered by a shroud of darkness, church is a schedule, friends are just there, & God feels extremely from far from reach.
I think i know my cycle now in small details. I am overjoyed with life, then i get angry really easily, & finally i fall into depression waiting for the arrival of the joy that'll hopefully come soon. Until that time, i can only ask for support from the people around me, because right now, family is at the top of the list of stress.
I like sitting & just meditating with calm, relaxing praise music to settle me down & give me motivation during these times. I think that is the best way to deal with a lot of things in life, in general.
I think i know my cycle now in small details. I am overjoyed with life, then i get angry really easily, & finally i fall into depression waiting for the arrival of the joy that'll hopefully come soon. Until that time, i can only ask for support from the people around me, because right now, family is at the top of the list of stress.
I like sitting & just meditating with calm, relaxing praise music to settle me down & give me motivation during these times. I think that is the best way to deal with a lot of things in life, in general.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The War of Ambition: The Battle of Fury.
ive been in a epic battle with satan & his army for a long time now. & i feel im depending too much on myself to fight these battles & not taking orders or not even ask my general (God) for battle guideline. i need my faults fixed if i want to become better as a creation of God.
i hav an anger problem that i cling around with me pretty much everywhere. i always have one gram of anger within me everywhere i go. This is a characteristic that i really hate about me. when im pissed off about something, i usually give off a strong vibe enough to bring alot of people down along with myself. a friend of mine pointed this out to me today & it struck me hard. we had critiques the day before & it wasnt bad at all but this unexpected critique hit me like BAMM, but it was a good call that will probably shape my life & help me become a better person & a better follower of Christ.
This is something i really have to pray for & ask people to pray for me. i cant remember the last time i prayed about this issue & i need God's help or ill lose this battle. i cant lose this battle if i want to glorify God with everything i have.
i like to think of Adam Sandler as me, & Jack Nicholson as Jesus in a way.
i hav an anger problem that i cling around with me pretty much everywhere. i always have one gram of anger within me everywhere i go. This is a characteristic that i really hate about me. when im pissed off about something, i usually give off a strong vibe enough to bring alot of people down along with myself. a friend of mine pointed this out to me today & it struck me hard. we had critiques the day before & it wasnt bad at all but this unexpected critique hit me like BAMM, but it was a good call that will probably shape my life & help me become a better person & a better follower of Christ.
This is something i really have to pray for & ask people to pray for me. i cant remember the last time i prayed about this issue & i need God's help or ill lose this battle. i cant lose this battle if i want to glorify God with everything i have.
i like to think of Adam Sandler as me, & Jack Nicholson as Jesus in a way.
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