well the battles have ended. my minds at somewhat at peace but still recovering. it was tough times but ive definitley think ive learned alot haha (i still need time to understand what ive learned [kind of wait for the smoke to clear]).
Yesterday was a great Easter. truly a great day & blessed. its always encouraging praising God with many people & just rejoicing. good stuff good stuff.
but if there is one thing i for sure learned is that no matter how bad things are, looking for the faintest light, even in the darkest of places, can slowly light up all of its surrounding darkness to reveal the beauty all around that was not visible before.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
you know, the life of a christian is hard. & i know im one of the worst examples of a christian. but every time i think about God's grace & what he does for me, im always so blessed by that. Christian life is definitley hard, but the sinner's life is so easy. at times i wonder why God has given me a life where i chose to follow him instead of a sinner's life where i wouldve done the opposite. but then i think about why i go through the hardships that i go through. God gives them to me out of his grace & his unconditional love. & forever i will always be thankful for him choosing me to love him & glorify him.
These days i feel my life is at a halt & i feel im going nowhere. & i know Gods here with me, but i havent felt his presence in a long time, & i feel alone. things around me are not going the way they should. i need as much help i can get or more time. i know the road is long & the path is not easy & that in the end God will be glorified somehow but i have to finish the walk down the path to finish it. & im nowhere close & im falling of the road. In these tough times, i still look to God but most times i find nothing, but i keep looking. but all that anger & sadness has to go somewhere & i take it out on those around me. & those around me are people that i usually love. i messed up & im loosing the fight.
I try to be the best person i can in God's name, but i fall more times than i get back up. but i truly want to be the best person i can be. A good friend. A good son. A good brother. A good example. A good Christian. & hopefully a good father some day. but in all those i need God & i must not let that go or loose sight. In the end, God will be glorified. In the end i will have learned a hard lesson. but i dont know how much longer i have or if ill even make it.
These days i feel my life is at a halt & i feel im going nowhere. & i know Gods here with me, but i havent felt his presence in a long time, & i feel alone. things around me are not going the way they should. i need as much help i can get or more time. i know the road is long & the path is not easy & that in the end God will be glorified somehow but i have to finish the walk down the path to finish it. & im nowhere close & im falling of the road. In these tough times, i still look to God but most times i find nothing, but i keep looking. but all that anger & sadness has to go somewhere & i take it out on those around me. & those around me are people that i usually love. i messed up & im loosing the fight.
I try to be the best person i can in God's name, but i fall more times than i get back up. but i truly want to be the best person i can be. A good friend. A good son. A good brother. A good example. A good Christian. & hopefully a good father some day. but in all those i need God & i must not let that go or loose sight. In the end, God will be glorified. In the end i will have learned a hard lesson. but i dont know how much longer i have or if ill even make it.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The War of Ambition: The Unconditional Surrender
you know its hard. giving your all to God is hard. first of all, saying that & willing to is hard. the next part is actually doing it. its freaking hard. but the thing is i dont know how. at my last retreat, the thing that came to my mind to pray about & wat i actually prayed was constantly, "Lord im confused, i need guidance, i need you to lead my life, & i give you my unconditional surrender."
The song Everything by Lifehouse was one of those songs that was written by one of those people that were completely surrendered unto the Holy Spirit. Everything is such a powerful song & its such a beautiful song. Since retreat, ive tried to Surrender onto God but its not easy. so in a sense, ive given for awhile. but i heard this song again recently & i was so encouraged by it. its one of the most beautiful songs ever written & most encouraging in my opinion.
When it sings, "How could I, Stand here with You, & not be moved by you?" im so touched & humbled by that. I am utterly confused & lost in what im doing in this life im living. God has given me the role of Andrew Chae to glorify him & to spread the love by living life to the fullest in his name. but im failing him. & thats because i have not been letting Him guide me & lead me but me following God when i feel like it which is unacceptable. i need all the help i can get. So that is why i give to God, my Holy Father, my Unconditional Surrender, so that in his name, i glorify God & love & serve.
The song Everything by Lifehouse was one of those songs that was written by one of those people that were completely surrendered unto the Holy Spirit. Everything is such a powerful song & its such a beautiful song. Since retreat, ive tried to Surrender onto God but its not easy. so in a sense, ive given for awhile. but i heard this song again recently & i was so encouraged by it. its one of the most beautiful songs ever written & most encouraging in my opinion.
When it sings, "How could I, Stand here with You, & not be moved by you?" im so touched & humbled by that. I am utterly confused & lost in what im doing in this life im living. God has given me the role of Andrew Chae to glorify him & to spread the love by living life to the fullest in his name. but im failing him. & thats because i have not been letting Him guide me & lead me but me following God when i feel like it which is unacceptable. i need all the help i can get. So that is why i give to God, my Holy Father, my Unconditional Surrender, so that in his name, i glorify God & love & serve.
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