you know, the life of a christian is hard. & i know im one of the worst examples of a christian. but every time i think about God's grace & what he does for me, im always so blessed by that. Christian life is definitley hard, but the sinner's life is so easy. at times i wonder why God has given me a life where i chose to follow him instead of a sinner's life where i wouldve done the opposite. but then i think about why i go through the hardships that i go through. God gives them to me out of his grace & his unconditional love. & forever i will always be thankful for him choosing me to love him & glorify him.

These days i feel my life is at a halt & i feel im going nowhere. & i know Gods here with me, but i havent felt his presence in a long time, & i feel alone. things around me are not going the way they should. i need as much help i can get or more time. i know the road is long & the path is not easy & that in the end God will be glorified somehow but i have to finish the walk down the path to finish it. & im nowhere close & im falling of the road. In these tough times, i still look to God but most times i find nothing, but i keep looking. but all that anger & sadness has to go somewhere & i take it out on those around me. & those around me are people that i usually love. i messed up & im loosing the fight.

I try to be the best person i can in God's name, but i fall more times than i get back up. but i truly want to be the best person i can be. A good friend. A good son. A good brother. A good example. A good Christian. & hopefully a good father some day. but in all those i need God & i must not let that go or loose sight. In the end, God will be glorified. In the end i will have learned a hard lesson. but i dont know how much longer i have or if ill even make it.